Most people think they’re clear on what they want in a partner. I beg to differ.
They’ve either written it down… thought about it… or said some version of it out loud.
And yet—
they keep ending up with the same kind of person or extremely frustrated.
What’s really going on?
It’s not that you don’t want a great relationship. You do.
It’s the way you’re choosing your dates and those to be in a relationship with that isn’t actually working. Maybe it’s not “dating” or you. It’s your list that’s steering you down the wrong path.
And a big part of that comes down to the kind of “list” you’re using—whether you realize it or not.
The first is having no list at all. This is where most people start. You meet someone. There’s attraction. It feels good. No real structure. Just hoping it works out. The problem is that chemistry leads, and chemistry on its own is not a reliable decision picker. This is how you end up months in, realizing you ignored things you actually needed. Yikes.
The second is the vague list. This sounds like “good communicator,” “sense of humor,” “likes to travel.” It feels like clarity, but it’s not. Because it’s not measurable. It’s not specific enough. And it means something different with every person you meet. So you end up filling in the blanks. And now you’re back in confusion and frustration again.
The third is the “too picky” list. This one looks like control. A long list of 50+ qualities, preferences, and specifics that someone has to meet. On the surface, it feels like you’ve finally gotten clear. But in reality, you’ve created something rigid, overwhelming, and disconnected and too specific.You either dismiss good people too quickly or stay stuck waiting for someone who doesn’t exist.
I’ve been in all three. No list. Vague list. Overly detailed list. None of them helped me choose better. None of them helped me feel more confident in who I was dating. And none of them actually solved the real problem: how to choose someone who is aligned with me—clearly, calmly, and with self-trust.
12 years ago I started approaching this differently. Not from what sounds good on paper, but from what actually works in life.
What works is having a clear, structured, and usable way to evaluate someone too—without overthinking, rushing, or ignoring your needs. A way to know what actually matters to you, recognize it when it’s there, and quickly see when it’s not—without losing yourself in the process.
This is what most people are missing. Not effort. Not desire. Not dates. Clarity in how they’re choosing.
If you’ve been choosing based on chemistry and hoping it works, feeling unclear even when you try to define what you want, or stuck between being too open and too picky, there’s a better way to do this. One that actually leads to aligned, mutual, and lasting relationships.
If you want more information about the kind of list that will work for your life and feel confident selecting a great person for you, book your complimentary 45-minute Discovery Call here.
Or, if you know this is the thing you are missing, hop on my Fulfillment List page to learn more details and get yourself one.